Lifestyle · Uncategorized

Why I Needed a Pity Party, and Why That’s Okay

In 6th grade, you get asked what you want to do with your life. You respond with a generic, childlike answer, but it satisfies the teachers and administration staff and they give you your first junior high schedule. 90% of the classes are required by everyone, the other 10% are accommodated based on your answer. As students, we go with it. Junior high is a means to an end to get us to high school. Our answers were never serious. In 8th grade just before you graduate, the high school guidance counselors visit and ask you again what you want to do with the rest of your life. This time, they are serious. Your answer determines what classes you will take for the next four years. I can tell you that 99% of us as eighth graders did not know they wanted our serious answers. We didn’t know we were supposed to be thinking about this for the last 3 years of our lives. I must have said doctor. I don’t really remember. Next thing I know, I’m enrolled in every advanced math and science class my test scores qualified me for.

“How about this… Who the hell knows?” -Jessica Stanley, Valedictorian speech

I spent the next four years in math and science. I spent those four years preparing for a major in premed-biology. I became a Certified Nursing Assistant (CNA) my senior year of high school and had one of the highest grades in the class. Medical terms and bedside manners came naturally to me. This is what I was meant to do, right?

Wrong. I graduated high school and went on to be a biology major. 3 semesters in, I was miserable. I hated my chemistry classes and I was failing my biology classes. Somehow, I passed with a D. Never again. I transferred universities. I stayed a biology major. I was happier. I got a job as a CNA and worked in a small town hospital for 9 months. That semester, I passed my biology class with an A, but I failed biochemistry. To top it off, I hated my job as a CNA. To this day, I can’t quite place why I hated it, but I did even though I was good at it. I was also the nurses’ favorite CNA to work with because I did my job and did it well. When I was doing the job, I wasn’t thinking about how much I hated being in the medical field, but when I finally left the beeping of the IV pumps and vital sign monitors and the obnoxious call alarms that alerts nurses and CNAs that a patient is in need of something, it was all I could think about. This is not what I wanted to do.

Flash forward 2 years and I graduated with a Bachelor of Science in Sociology and Psychology. I loved my major, excelled in it even – I graduated with the outstanding graduate award for the social science department. My life drastically changed and went down a path I never expected. I knew I still wanted to help people, but I didn’t know how exactly I wanted to do that. The opportunity arose for me to intern in Washington, D.C. and I quickly jumped on it. I would be lying if I said I didn’t immediately fall in love with the District of Columbia area. Because of that, when a position opened up in the office I am interning in, I immediately applied. I didn’t get the position. After I was told they would not be pursuing my application further, I could barely stay until 5pm that day – I felt like I had failed. I couldn’t breathe and I wanted to be alone. I went home, crawled into bed, and watched Netflix. I was mad – mad at the people that didn’t want to hire me and mad at myself because I felt I wasn’t good enough.

I threw myself a pity party.

I learned that it is completely okay to need a pity party after being rejected for a job, failing an exam, messing up a speech or presentation, or if your day just is not going the way you wanted it to. In my case, this was my first real job post-college that I had interviewed for. The next day, I woke up and went to my internship, put a smile on my face and did my job. If I am being completely honest, had this organization not been a cause that is close to my heart, I would have lost all motivation to be here. I didn’t want to have to face the people that had turned me for another day. I soon realized that this job was not meant to be and that is okay too. I’m back at the drawing board and trying to figure out who I am and where I’m supposed to be. Maybe in a few years time, something will bring me back to Washington, D.C., and when it does, I won’t say no.

It is okay to be throw yourself a pity party. In fact, it’s healthy even. It isn’t healthy to bottle up your emotions and pretend everything is okay when it isn’t. It is okay to bury yourself under your blankets and escape to someone else’s reality for a few hours whether that is your favorite TV shows, a movie, or a book. It is also okay to scream, cry, or sleep. It gives your brain time to process what has happened and what needs to come next. It gives you time to breathe. It gives you time to figure out what comes next.

IT. IS. OKAY.

“Your dream doesn’t have an expiration date. Take a deep breath and try again.”

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14 thoughts on “Why I Needed a Pity Party, and Why That’s Okay

    1. Ah, the minds of teenagers. Those were the days, huh? Pity parties are definitely okay! Healthy even!

      Thank you for not counting me out yet! I hope you continue to enjoy my sometimes raw, sometimes sassy, sometimes smart alecky, and always real posts!

      Like

  1. This post really resonates with me right now. I am going through something and can’t seem to pull myself together, so on the advice of others, I am taking my second mental health day in a row. I need to feel whatever it is I need to feel, so I am throwing myself a pity party, crying it out and am not beating myself up for it. I love that you are doing the same. It’s so healthy and is totally okay! You are going to figure it all out. These things happen to teach us something, we just have to be open to learning. Love your attitude, girl! And for the record, you are good enough!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Take that mental health day and throw that pity party! I think we get so caught up in this idea that it’s not okay to feel our emotions and that we need to keep it all in. I have found this doesn’t work for me and I can’t imagine it works for too many other people either.

      Thank you for your kind words!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Oops – hit send by mistake!!

    I am a strong supporter of pity parties. Which is a good thing because I’m having a lot of them these days. I just lost my job which is similar-but-different to being denied a job – so I know precisely where you’re coming from right now. I have a job interview on Tuesday which I’m really excited about, but you can bet that I will be hiding in my bed if I don’t get the job. I was talking with my therapist about how crying is actually really soothing when it comes down to it. She agreed that even if you don’t know what it is you’re crying about it’s a release of a huge build-up of tension, especially for people like us. I’m amazed at your ability to go back to the internship!! I can’t say that I would be strong enough to do the same because I am kind of a baby hehe. You are truly amazing for doing that and it just shows that you have to work ethic that you’ll need to work in the industry you love one day. Because that’s like 90% of it when it really comes down to it.

    http://www.hashtagpanic.com

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes, yes, yes! Sometimes a good cry is just what the mind and soul needed. There have been several times where I get hit with emotions I didn’t even know I was holding in and then I cry for an hour, maybe two, go to sleep, and wake up feeling more refreshed than I have in a long time.

      Had this opportunity arose 4 years ago when I was just starting college, I know for a fact that I would have ran in the opposite direction. I wanted nothing more than to stay in the safety of what I knew. My anxiety was a lot different then too – or maybe it wasn’t and I just didn’t know how to handle it then. In the past year, I’ve done a lot that has surprised myself. I came back to my internship because technically I’m not an intern for the team that denied me the job and because the office is advocating for a cause I am deeply passionate about.

      I can’t thank you enough for your kind words. Some days, anxiety tells me I am not good enough, but I always try to find that fire that I know I have. Here lately, I’ve been able to find it more and more.

      Thank you for reading DCMOY!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I’m glad to hear how you’ve grown. It’s a good sign – even if we’re faking it – if you ask me. But even when we don’t believe it, the fact that we are physically accomplishing things big and small is a truth we can’t deny. You are good enough and can do things!

        Liked by 1 person

  3. I have experienced a major setback about 6 months ago that I was not expecting (Frankly, none of my loved ones even expected it either). Reading this reminded me of the pity party I had for a few weeks after the major shock of my setback. I am glad I had it because it was a form of grief that I needed to work through; it was a test of my passion and determination to continue pursuing my career choice. Thank you for your words 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Jacqueline,

      I have learned that it is okay to feel bad for awhile – whether that is a day, a week, a month – it is all perfectly okay. Like you said, it is a way for us to work through our grief and it is something we need to do in order to move forward. I’m happy my words were able to help!

      Like

  4. I really enjoyed reading this – I’m at a bit of an impasse myself and totally agree with everything you said. Sometimes you just need someone to tell you it’s ok not to be ok and let all those emotions happen. Thank you 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You are so so so welcome! I wish someone had told me that it was okay when I was younger, maybe then I would have embraced my emotions and how I feel rather than running from it or trying to hide it. It really truly is okay to not be okay! Take all the time you need, indulge in self-care, embrace how you feel.

      Like

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